Sayonara
by ShinSeiFuji
Summary: Duo's reflection. What will be his final decision? This fic needs an R&R badly.


Sayonara  
ShinSeiFuji  
  
It was a windy afternoon. All was swaying with the dance of the silent wind as it embraces the sweet meadow. A windy and cloudy day, a perfect time to rest upon the meadow when all is at peace, when war has ceased for a while. A perfect time for a pilot to wash his bloody hands with the silence of the day that somehow might give him the peacefulness that he was looking for. And the meadow waited for him.  
Duo walked slowly careful not to disturb the wonderful dance of he flowers and trees and the singing of a river nearby. It was all he needed. A refreshing embrace of nature to cleanse his mourning heart for the death of his very own soul.   
He smiled peacefully, a grin without a mask. A smile so peaceful yet bitterness can be traced in the eyes of the lonely soldier. He was dressed in a loose white polo, unbuttoned on top, and its long sleeves were folded almost halfway his arms. Quite unusual for he always wears the color of death, but now here he was wearing the color of purity, of sanity.  
He sat upon a low slope, putting his arm on top of his knee, while the other rested completely on the soft grass. And upon his appearance, the meadow seemed to bow upon him, like he was someone special, and a special day it was for him.  
*I don't know why I even wore this.* Duo thought as he played his eyes on the wide field of flowers. * It's been quite so long since I last wore this suit, about two years ago, and I didn't think it would still fit me. But somehow I got attracted to this the moment I saw it hanging in an old cabinet. Weird. *  
Duo grinned as he stretched and yawned like a lazy cat. He put his hands on his head and then rested it completely on the warm grass.  
* Duo. My Duo. * The wind rushed in Duo's heart-shaped face and swept his long brown bangs in its direction, and it seemed that it whispered those words with a small giggle. Duo narrowed his eyes at this and flashbacks of his life came to him. In the darkness of his heart, he could see the dying Solo, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen's bloody body resting iun his arms, smiling at him, while dying slowly.  
* This is my life. Death. All is death. All that I have loved, all whom I shared my life with, all who returned to me the love I needed, found home another place where I could never reach. *  
Duo closed his eyes as he try to stop the welling tears from falling, but soon opened it after he heard the sweet laughter of childhood, from children playing not far from him.  
* Childhood, full of sweet memories. Duo, your childhood was… * The wind whispered again.  
* Bitter * Duo continued the word that would fit the whispers of the wind. * And bitter shall my whole life be. I spent my lifetime loving the two persons who have taught me to how to love, how to care, how to forgive. But despite this, I live to avenge and not to forgive. I promised to protect the youth that depended on me. But what I have done was destroy their lives. How many have shed their tears because of the death I have brought to their loved ones? How many have forgotten their dreams of peace because of me? How many have gone insane because of my cruelty? How many have suffered the fruit of what I have done? My own fault, yet they are the ones who suffer. Because of me. Their future is now obscure and distant, beyond their reach. Because of me. Me. *  
Duo closed his eyes. There was no way he could stop his tears from falling. He need not his mask now. At least for once he should take it off and show his real self. Slowly, he opened his eyes and wiped those tears away. He searched his eyes for the children he saw a minute ago, but found them gone after the day darkened into a colder afternoon, the wind now rushing violently over the field, as it warns that a storm is coming to conquer the land.  
* Time passed Duo. And there was no more childhood. You grew up, became fifteen, and a pilot you are now. And your heart has changed. Bringing with it the bitter memories of your life. But the bitterness became worse, became a poison spreading all over your body. A poison from a love that was never answered. Love for… *  
Duo clutched his chest but managed to grin. He realized he was acting like Quatre. But for sure, he'll never be like him. For Quatre's love was always answered by Trowa, and him… his love was always ignored by that perfect soldier.  
* Heero… You never cared. You never bothered to look at me the way you look at Relena. I have always loved you, but you never noticed it. How my heart pounds whenever we're in a mission. Worrying what might happen to you. I'm so afraid to lose you. I realized it's better to feel your hatred towards me, than to lose you. But I am losing you… *  
The wind violently brushed Duo's beautiful hair, carrying along the tears Duo cried. * He doesn't love you, Duo. Your love will never be answered. *  
* Heero, if you only knew how much I love you. Or maybe, you do know. That's why you keep on avoiding me. You keep on ignoring me. And it hurts not to see you, not being with you. I tried so many times leaving you. But I keep on coming back, because I love you. *  
*But it hurts more to be with you. Like I was nothing for you. I am worthless for you. God, I know I'm always being rejected. But Heero… *  
Duo howled in pain. The clouds are getting darker now. And rumbling sound could be heard from them. Like a heart preparing to burst.  
* It hurts to see you in another woman's arms. When you say someone else's name. It hurts so much, I don't want to let you go. But I have to. Because I love you. *  
The wind slowed down for a while, when Duo lowered his head and cried endlessly. Like a comforting embrace, the wind once again whispered. * Death shouldn't hurt you nor should love. But you are the victim of your own self. You know that love hurts, and it only brings death, yet you keep on loving, even if it eats your own heart. Rest now, Duo, you are tired of loving and getting hurt in return. Loving and always left behind. * The words faded and the wind's violence overcame its gentleness once more.   
Duo held his head tightly that his bangs tangled on his touch. * I love you and I want you to be happy. And I know you'll never be so with me.*  
The wind joined his howl of pain. Mourning together with him. And the words were repeated in Duo's ear louder than before. * Rest now, Duo, you are tired of loving and being hurt in return. Say goodbye to your world of pain. Rest now. Be in peace. *  
The wind's words repeated in Duo's mind. "Yes, I must rest. Let go and say goodbye." Duo suddenly searched his pockets and felt satisfied as he felt a sharp edge. He took the thing out and grinned peacefully at the sight of a jeweled dagger. He embraced it as he closed his eyes. He had found the dagger along with his white dress. That dagger, it was from Solo. A memorable dagger of friendship left in his hands. He knew it would come I handy. But he never thought it would be this way.   
* Of all the pains in my life, the one I can't bear is the pain from you, my beloved perfect soldier. Sayonara Heero. Eien ni sayonara. Be happy, my love.*  
The meadow has waited for Duo. The flowers have bowed upon the return of a lost soul. The wind has called for him, to rest.  
The day darkened and soon the raindrops fell. Signaling the start of a heavy storm. The rain was loud falling, washing the crimson grass like tears mourning. And the wind swayed slowly, like a sorrowful lover waving goodbye…  



End file.
